Horny Potter and the Bed Chamber of Secrets 3
by darkangelofheaven13
Summary: The same as the first one.


At the train station...

All the Weasleys(yes, Molly and Aurthur too) enter through the barrier, and finally it's Ron and Harry's turn. As you know, Ron and Harry run to the barrier, but just hit the column head first

Harry: Ow...I was hoping I would never have run head first in to a column again

Ron: And look! It's eleven o clock! The train already left!

Harry: I didn't know you could tell time...well...HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!

Ron: What's wrong?

Harry: What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG! WE JUST MISSED THE FUCKING TRAIN DUMBNUTS!

Ron: Really?...What train?

Harry: THE TRAIN TO HOGWARTS YOU IDIOT!

Ron: What? We did? Now way! Why didn't you tell me this sooner! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, omigod, omigod, omigod!

Harry: What are we going to do Ron? If we can't get through, your parents can't get out! We'll probably have to wait here, looking like idiots, when only one of us is!

Ron: Well, we could always wait by the car...wait...the car!

Harry: No way are you thinking what I'm thinking...

Ron: Yeah! We'll take the car, and have a drag race with somebody!

Harry:sighs What I was thinking, is we could fly the car to Hogwarts!

Ron: And then have a drag race!

Harry: No, Ron. No drag races are involved in my plan.

Ron:...I'm poor.

Harry:sigh Come on.pulls Ron towards the parking lot

In the car...

Harry: Now, you're positive you know how to fly this thing, right?

Ron: Well, I have watched dad and Fred do some stuff, so yeah, I think so...

Harry: Well I sure hope you do, because I have no idea myself.

Ron turns on the radio to Britney Spears

Ron:singing I'm a slllaaaavveee for you! I can't deny it! I'm not trying to hide it!

Harry: Ron, no. We are not listening to Britney Spears all the way to Hogwarts. Being a guy, I have no problem watching her dance around like the whore she is, but her slutty voice just really gets to me. We're listening to Linkin Park!

Harry turns the dial on the radio

Harry:starts banging his head roughly, starts singing, and playing air guitar I wanna run away, never say good bye, I wanna know the truth instead of wondering why, I wanna know the answers, no more lies, I wanna shut the door, and open up my mind

Ron: Britney Spears!

Switches back

Harry: Linkin Park!

Switches

Ron: Britney Spears!

Harry:Linkin Park!

Ron: Britney Spears!

Harry: Linkin Park!

Ron: Britney Spears!

Suddenly the radio fizzles, and then breaks

Harry: Dammit Ron! Now we can't listen to the radio!

Ron's eating crayons

Harry: Ron...what are you doing?

Ron: These crayons taste like...purple

Harry and Ron were too distracted with the radio, to notice that the train was coming up on them

Harry: Ron, Ron, I can hear the train!

Ron: We must be getting close!

Harry: Hold on...

And they scream once the relise where the train is, and drive up into the air, been there done that

Harry falls out of the car, and holds on to the car door

Ron: HARRY!

Harry: Ron!

In the train...

Ginny and Hermione are playing cards

Ginny: Hermione look! An unusually large bird is flying out our window!

Hermione: Oh...that's no bird. That's your brother and Harry...

Ginny: Harry...Harry...the one with the fine ass, right?

Hermione: Yep. That's him.

Back in the car...

Harry: Oh Ron, please save me...

Ron: Here Harry, grab my hand!

Harry: Gross! It's like, too sweaty!

Ron: Harry, stop being a prick and take it!

Harry: Yeah, why don't you lick me?

Ron: I'd be happy to lick you, but I have to save your ass first!

Harry: sigh Well, if you insist...takes Ron's hand, and sits back up in the passenger side

Ron sticks out his tongue

Harry: Dammit Ron, I didn't really mean it!

Ron:...oh...

Harry:looks uncomftorbly at Ron, and then back out the window

Later, approaching Hogwarts...

Ron: Well, here we are, Harry. Welcome home.

Harry:thinking Oh thank god, get me out of this car and away from this homo...

Suddenly the car spins out of control, and goes smashing through The Great Hall's front window, and landing on the teacher's table

Harry:opens his eyes We...are...so...dead...

The car has landed on the teacher's dining table. The teachers escaped, however from the car and flying glass. Dumbeldore and McGonagall are gripping each other and shaking, while Severus is standing protectively in front of Sybil Trelawney, and Flitwick has jumped in to Professor Sprout's arms. Several of the first year students have wet their pants

Harry:emerges from the car, and puts a foot out on to the table, squishing a pudding beneath his sneaker Umm...

The car's doors suddenly jump open and the car spits out Harry, Ron, and all their luggage. Everyone in the Great Hall stands still and quiet for a second, just staring at Ron and Harry, and the car that is resting on the table

Filch: Well, take a good look at the castle boys...this could very be the last night you spend here...

Harry and Ron stand speechless

Filch: Oh dear, we are in trouble...

Snape:very pissed off Do you both have any idea of the cost of damage you caused?

Ron: Yeah...my dad is going to have to work another two years before he's ever able to pay for my hospital bill

Snape: I didn't mean YOUR damage Mister Weasley, or yours Mister Potter. No one cares about you, but look at what you did to the million dollar, thousand year old cathedral window! Smashed to pieces in under five seconds! And the table- oh my gosh, the table is just beyond repair!

Ron: But...professor, look at my wand-

Snape: Silence! Now if you two were both in my house, I would have you expelled in a heartbeat.

Harry: If we were in your house and we did this, you'd let us go with warnings and MAYBE a few points taken off from Slytherin!

Snape: comes up very close to Harry's face Oh really? Why don't you prove it?

Harry: Gladly! I have witnesses! As anyone knows from attending Snape's class, isn't it always the Slytherins who get away with everything? Isn't it always the gryffindors who get detention and points taken off?

Everyone except the Slytherin table begin nodding their heads in agreement

Dumbledore: If I may, Professor Snape, and Mister Potter, I believe the point of conversation should be, why Mister Weasley's flying car, is resting on the teacher's dining table. Not how fair Professor Snape is with his students

Snape: Thank you, Professor Dumbledore

Dumbledore: You're quite welcome Profes- oh screw it, I'm just gonna call you Sevvie from now on. And I don't care if it's disrespectful, because I'M THE HEADMASTER!

McGonagall: Being the head of Gryffindor House, I believe it is my job to elect your punishment...

Ron: We'll get our things...

McGonagall: What do you mean?

Harry: You're going to expel us...

McGonagall: Like hell I am! Don't even think you're getting out of this that easily! Oh no, for your detention, you must build a new dining table for the teachers, fix the window, and sweep up the broken glass, from dusk till dawn if you have to! But you are not leaving this school, and going home to cry to your mommies. Oh yeah...you don't have one Potter...oh well...but you know what I mean!

Snape: That's a very good punishment, Minerva!

McGonagall: Now you see why I'M in charge of punishing these two, and not you Sevvie.

All the kids laugh at Snape, and Snape stomps out of The Great Hall in a huff

Later in Professor Sprout's class...

Sprout: Good morning children! No, you don't have to answer me, that's fine. Now, today we will be working with these crying baby things that Cheo can't remember the name for!

Hermione:raising her hand I know!

Sprout: When do you not, Hermione? Now, everyone, put on your earmuffs. These babies' screams won't kill you yet, but if you don't wear your muffs, you could be knocked out for some time.

Everyone puts on their ear muffs, and pulls the babies out of the pots. Neville suddenly faints

Sprout: Ah, I see Longbottom neglected his ear muffs

Seamus:puts a hand up to his ear, to signify he can't hear Sprout

Sprout: I said, I see that Longbottom neglected his ear muffs!

Seamus:taps his ear and shrugs, because he still can't hear her

Sprout: I SAID, I SEE THAT LONGBOTTOM NEGELCTED HIS EAR MUFFS!gasp, and clutches her chest as she falls to the ground

Seamus:gives Sprout the thumbs up showing he can hear her, but doesn't seem to notice or understand that Sprout was having a heart attack from all the yelling

Seamus: What's wrong with the professor?

Hermione: WHAT?

Seamus: I ASKED, WHATS WRONG WITH THE PROFESSOR?


End file.
